Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 


It's raining Sanyo. (Hallelujah!)

No, really. When you're walking by a large apartment complex, one of the last things you really expect to hear is this loud crash not ten steps away from you. Even moreso, when you walk up to the source of this "crash!" you're really not expecting to see the remains of a functioning cordless phone splattered on the driveway.

Well...it was functioning before its unexpected plummet down 17 storeys.

Which brings us to today's lesson: it's not necessarily a good idea to be talking over a cordless phone on your open balcony. When it comes to a battle of cordless phone versus gravity...gravity will always win.

And how do I know it feel 17 storeys, you ask? Perhaps I'm just exaggerating, and it only tumbled down 10 floors. Well, when the owner who had been using said phone moments before its sudden and fateful encounter with the driveway suddenly peers out from over his balcony and shouts, "It's mine! Could you bring it up here, please! I'm on the seventeenth floor!", I'm inclined to believe him.

Beyond that, the week's been alternating between rather quiet (and thusly relaxing) days, and what could only be described as "a pisser of a day, and now if you'll excuse me, my liver and I are about to commiserate the remainder of the evening."

Speaking of, I have to go procure some of my precious Malibu Rum before the LCBO workers go on strike and deny me the added flavouring in my Coke. But on the plus side, at least Mel's Coronitas can be acquired in any non-striking beer store!

(Oh, and for all you Harry Potter fans out there...please pay no attention to Mel's lemonfic idea involving Hagrid, ferret-Draco, and Dumbledore's corpse. For the love of God, please don't encourage her!!)
posted by Phillip at 4:36 PM

 

Last week, it was all about the sidewalk sale that left us scrambling around, trying to get stock done, customers rung in, and helping the store look at least mildly presentable. And in the midst of that, me disappearing every other day for one work-related reason or another (ie, meetings), only to return to discover that the store looked less than presentable.

This week...it's a mini inventory count. All wallets, all the time. While the plus side is that most of the count has already been completed, leaving me the optimisim that I won't have to spend 4 hours in the store after Saturday close. (Which, might I add, would be spent alternating between counting and just plain losing my mind. Did that last year, wasn't all it was hyped up to be.)

Even still, I'll be thrilled when this week is over. I like being able to stand back at work and unwind just a little bit, as opposed to running around maniacally non-stop for seven hours.

In literary news, I rather enjoyed "Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince" (despite going in knowing who was going to die and by whose hand...thank you Internet trolls). On the other hand, "The DaVinci Code" is shaping up to be a good idea wrapped in a really choppy narration where apparently everyone just conveniently knows all these obscure little details relating to the code.

And that's all for today...or this week...it's time to return to the store and (shock! gasp!) count more wallets!

Today's Lesson: starting a task early means not needing to panic closer to the due date. (It also means not spending 4 freaking hours in the store after-hours, counting the maddening multitudes of wallet I'll eventually want to strangle with my bare hands.)
posted by Phillip at 5:43 AM

 

Yesterday there was a power flicker, due to local thunderstorms. This in turn reset our answering machine, and the task was left up to me to rerecord the "I'm not home" reply.

And so, for roughly 30 seconds, had you called our apartment you would have heard the following message:

"You've reached [insert phone number here]. We're not in to take your message right now, so please leave your beep after the call...Shit!" This was immediately followed by the loud and audible sounds of Mel laughing herself silly.

Well, at any rate I got it mostly right.

Mostly....


posted by Phillip at 8:12 AM

 

Well, this past weekend came and went, and with it the ceremony that saw my sister married off to a great guy...whose parents own a kitchen that I am now insanely jealous of. Carly & Jorrit said their vows and their "I do"'s, and looked incredibly happy together. With the exception of a slight hiccup with the cordless mic, everything couldn't have gone off better. The weather was near perfect, Mel looked fantastic in her bridesmaid's dress (with the head of the wicked seamstress of the west mounted on a pike out on our balcony), the catering was excellent and pretty much everyone partied at the reception until late, late at night.

Though I must admit, it did prove rather interesting seeing two of my three cousins (all younger than Carly) get absolutely blitzed before the night was out. To put things into perspective, the open bar began just after the wedding ceremony, which puts it in around 4pmish. Everyone had a beer in their hand the next time I saw them. By the time we were halfway through the dancing, every time Erika tried to stand up straight she stumbled sideways into a row of chairs. And in the end, I got the pleasure of helping escort my two (youngest and) blotto'd cousins to the van where there parents were waiting.

This is a more difficult task than you'd think, especially when you're following a very long and winding driveway through near pitch-black, and your sloshed cousins suddenly decide to walk (read: stagger) in two totally opposite directions. Though I did learn what Brett's favourite profanities are; he confided them to me before deciding he had to mark a tree.

Today's Lesson: you can dance to anything if you're sufficiently smashed enough.
posted by Phillip at 5:16 AM

 

There's the old addage of: when it rains, it pours. This generally tends to refer to all things dull and ugly, plus all creatures short and squat, and all things rude and nasty. (but the Lord God made the lot!) But the proverbial downpour can also encompass the good things in life too, as the optimists are quick to point out amidst an explanation of how the glass of water is half full...and I then argue that, half-full or half-empty, I'd still ordered a Coke.

Anyhoo, today has found me in a most unexpected bind of literary worlds. Mostly, there are suddenly a lot of books for me to read in a very short amount of time. As many people already know (and are no doubt counting down the days), the next Harry Potter book hits bookstores like an errant comet a week this Saturday. I pre-bought my book at one of the stores in the mall, so all I have to do is walk in, flash my special receipt and walk out with my happy new hardcover.

Naturally, I've been working through the series once more as a bit of a refresher. Order of the Phoenix is currently reminding me of how Gred & Forge are utterly cool. Now herein lies the quandary. I'll easily be able to finish rereading OotP within the next week and a half.

However, two books from the public library have suddenly arrived for me. A long time ago, I reserved the now infamous Da Vinci Code to see what all the hype (or fuss, if you're Catholic) was about. At the time, there was a waiting list of roughly 37 people in front of me. I'd all but forgotten the reservation I had on it until suddenly the library called and told me it was ready for pick-up. So now I have 3 weeks to read The Da Vinci Code before the book goes to #39 on the waiting list. And finish OotP. And then read Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince.

But wait...there's more.

When it first came out, I'd really wanted to read Clarke's 800-page epic Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. Alas, most of the time I didn't have the $40 to shell out for the book. And when I had the money to spend, all of the copies I could find had horribly bent or mangled covers. (I'm not the type to expect a perfectly pristine book when I buy it, but if there are to be horrible bends or manglings, I'd like to at least have the satisfaction of having done it myself.) Likewise, the library's waiting list was about as long for this as it was for the Da Vinci Code. So I gave up and relegated myself to pining for the book as it taunted me on the bookshelves.

And then unexpectedly, as I was picking up the Da Vinci Code, what did Mel spot sitting upon "The Latest Releases" display but Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. It's like the damned thing was simply waiting for me to show up, and had arranged itself in a sort of shrine. No other books surrounded it, making it very easy and obvious to spot. Having still believed that there were still another 15 people on the waiting list, I was quite joyous in seeing that a spare one had offered itself up for my reading pleasure.

Upon rereading that last sentence, I've suddenly realized it sounds disturbingly sexual. On the other hand, a hardcover book that big couldn't fit down my pants even if I tried to wedge it in with a shoehorn and lots of Vaseline.

Upon rereading this latest last sentence, I've suddenly realized it sounds even worse than it's "last sentence" predecessor.

So, at last count, I have The Da Vinci Code and Strange & Norrell to read sometime in the next 3 weeks, or possibly 4-6 weeks if no one else has either reserved after me. And I'd like to finish OotP before beginning HBP. And I'd like to finish HBP sooner rather than later, as I know fans will be debating/bitching about the plot twists within 48 hours after the book's release date, and I'd rather avoid the spoilers and be surprised all on my own, thank you very much.

But at least, amidst all of these large and long texts, I still found time rampage through the latest volume of Negima. Ah, Negi...how you so give me my pleasurably guilty doses of fantasy & fanservice. If all the other books are entrees, this would be dessert.


Today's Lesson: half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be. But half a bee, has got to be, vis a vis its entity.

(Ladies and gentlemen: the dangers of listening to Monty Python Sings! whilst writing a blog entry.)
posted by Phillip at 1:32 AM

 

You know, I've never really been one to subscribe to astrology. I find it's more "pick & choose" conjecture than anything else, and you can easily make up whatever you want about what your day's going to be like. At the same time, I know there are people who swear astrology is the be all & end all of existence, and they are adamant that the harmonious forces in the universe will guide them through their day to day lives. Astrology, they say, is respectable and its adherents should be respected.


Russian astrologer brings interference case against NASA comet probe

MOSCOW (AP) - NASA's mission that sent a space probe smashing into a comet raised more than cosmic dust - it also brought a lawsuit from a Russian astrologer.

Marina Bai has sued the U.S. space agency, claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into the comet Tempel 1 late Sunday "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe," the newspaper Izvestia reported Tuesday. A Moscow court has postponed hearings on the case until late July, the paper said.

The probe's comet crash sent up a cloud of debris that scientists hope to examine to learn how the solar system was formed.

Bai is seeking damages totalling 8.7 billion rubles ($300 million US) - the approximate equivalent of the mission's cost - for her "moral sufferings," Izvestia said, quoting her lawyer Alexander Molokhov. She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope."

<>NASA representatives in Russia could not immediately be reached for comment. Scientists say the crash did not significantly alter the comet's orbit around the sun and said the experiment does not pose any danger to Earth.


And I think that sound I just heard was the sound of respectability being flushed down the crapper. For those curious, the link to it was here:

http://news.sympatico.msn.ca/OddNews/ContentPosting.aspx?contentid=679f97a03af3475
fb1d4d60d39bf0089&show=False&number=0&showbyline=True&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc


Today's Terrible, Horrible, No God Very Bad Discovery: http://www.pumpkin-porn.com/ (and just as you will all no doubt curse me, I curse the friend who sent me this link.)



posted by Phillip at 5:45 AM

 

This title would admittedly work better and sound quirkier if my name was in fact Marguret. But that would subsequently mean one of two possible things: my parents were on some sort of drug when they named me (ah, to be a Dweezil!), or Mel's a lesbian.

In any case, at the very least the weather hasn't been as sit-in your-own-puddle-of-sweat as it was last week. A very happy thing in my mind. And while not a lot of anything has been done, I've been enjoying myself.

Mel on the other hand will be either killing the people doing to alterations to her bridesmaid's dress for my sister's wedding, or else letting the mother-in-law of the bride do the killing for her. Long story short, the place the bridal store recommended would be better off if it was rendered a large, empty crater. Today gets to see a couple of irate bridesmaids potentially calling in the scariest thing imaginable: Mrs. Kivenan, the mother-in-law, who loves my sister to pieces and by all descriptions, if she's unleashed on the tailors doing (and more to the point, not doing or doing half-assed) the alterations for Mel's dress, her wrath will resemble that scene in Raiders where the Ark of the Covenant is opened at the end.

I'm sure an update of bloody retribution and a karmic "fuck you" will come along in a day or two. In the meantime...

Today's Lesson: happy late night reading comes at a cost. Namely wishing your alarm clock would melt the next morning as it starts beeping at you.
posted by Phillip at 5:41 AM